Early to rise

[mellotron_breakfast]

Well, by my standards. Sleeping in by yours. Still, help me add this up: Go to bed at 2 or 2:30 AM, can drag self out of bed at 11:30 (30 minutes post alarm). Go to bed a couple of minutes after midnight, give up sleeping after 7:44 (alarm set for 8:30).

At 7:44, I was thinking about my good friend's push to get about two and a half grand in pledges to fund a photography book project. I was thinking about why it made me happy that at least the pledge drive succeeded. The neatest sum I can make of it is the combination of that word justice, through the lens of an upbringing that involved Protestant work ethic; I see someone work hard to do something good and want them to get their fair due from their labours.

That wasn't what I had in mind at 7:44, though. I was trying to outline what beliefs would make me see justice that way, and how other people would view it as depressing while it makes me feel empowered and happy--and while their contrary views somehow give them solace, those views disturb me on some profound level. I want to say that we both seem to pursue the same ends, albeit from different beginnings, and let's leave it at that, but have this nagging worry that I don't want to try to put my thoughts out there because those people with contrary views will point out how stupid mine are and--under the guise of making me see views that "aren't depressing"--make me as upset as I would expect them to be given what they believe.

It's one thing that their views are disturbing to me; I can see what possibilities mine open up that could seem disturbing to them, one in particular. It's that in my way, I see some form of hope, however fragile, and in theirs I don't see anything I could imagine being happy about.

Then I thought about explaining the function of sai, given that a lot of people just assume it's a fancy looking knife. There's a practical purpose in its form, and it involves being a cop who isn't allowed to wield a sword while samurai still can, and the possibility of trapping the blade of such a sword in the pursuit of justice and order. An innocuous, fact-based topic sure to offend nobody. I've probably written about it before.

Then I admitted not only that I wasn't sleeping, but that I physically wanted to get out of bed, and promptly did so. It's a welcome change to admitting that I'm not sleeping, yet feeling too tired to physically move beyond a twitch even though it's thirty minutes to noon.

Yes, when I'm conscious in bed I'm generally thinking about how I would explain ideas to people in writing, and usually on this blog. That's how far gone I am as a writer. I just don't feel compelled to think about anything else in the same way.

Current reading: Past Fuentes, and a Nigerian's ponderings about hunger-striking in prison, and another writer's musings on food, and on to the American section of this essay compilation. This section started with Thoreau, Walking, proudly proclaiming that in wildness is the preservation of the world.

Oh, and from the music vid I recently posted, behind-the-scenes photos. They're okay.

Comments

[andrasta.livejournal.com]

There is nothing wrong with believing in hard work. I believe that those who believe things should just come to them without hard work have a misplaced sense of entitlement. A prime example came yesterday. Two of my classmates were incredulous that I had received 100% on one of my major projects and that they had barely passed. Meanwhile I had put in 12 hours of work into the project while theirs had photocopied pencil drawings done in a few hours.

[mr-figgy.livejournal.com]

Well, and I did confuse things a bit here, my internal debate was more about the source of justice/what it is, something that good people work (often very hard) to make in increments versus an external force or purpose. And anyway, my summary about the work was a more meaningful reason why I would feel the way I do than any product of this internal debate, so.