(no subject)
May. 24th, 2010 06:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mellotron_breakfastSunday
I met Mark, Alice, Herman and Laura last night. I probably shouldn't have gone out for my wallet's sake but I arranged it because I have been desperate for some sort of fun. Also Annika, the only person I know so far who experienced a "true major league ballpark" and said, "Actually, I appreciate the Blue Jays experience more now."
Life isn't fixed, but I think I'm doing better now. I'm glad I couldn't call the current situation a manic sort of high, because then in the back of my mind I would know I'm set up for another depressive slump. Instead, things are slow and manageable.
One of the justifications floating around in my anxiety-addled cranium the day I dumped LJ content was on the side of how to really show LJ if you actually wanted to do something that mattered. I realized that like others, I thought most about the money side; oh, I've paid for my account, now what do I do? The fact that I've done so is one reason I still have that thing, that and a faint hope.
I realized that even if I wanted to crosspost there, keeping years of content didn't seem good because anyone who actually thinks their content is worth reading knows that words are value. Even if I never paid for that account again, never chose to set up advertising space, as long as I kept my valuable work there it would be like saying "No, I refuse to give you a milk allowance, but by all means keep my diary cows". A well written blog is a draw to other blogs and other content on the same site, content which could have more advertising space. Site traffic should get them more on their ad returns.
It's funny that we consider our words valuable, then pay others routinely to put them up instead of being paid for the privilege of hosting that valuable content. Then again, I'm sure many opinions are "out there" and no paying news/publishing corporation would touch them.
Now, that doesn't fit as a reason for why I did it because if I wanted to rob them of publicly shown content I could have mass-privatized entries. Then I would only have to worry about the occasional perverted staffer with a pork rind fetish, out to blackmail me for money to buy more pork rinds. Yet, that was exactly my problem. I've had a history of telling people too much as a careless youth and already have to come to terms with what my friends know. To worry about strangers as well, to have that fear validated with an actual event, was the last thing I needed at that time.
I don't currently see my response as ideal. Now I have to figure out, is it physically possible to port archived content back anywhere, even if it's just for the purpose of moving it here? Deleting before moving was an incredibly awful order of operations and should have had more thought put to it at least. Would anyone actually care? Having taken something resembling a stand, especially the specific form of that stand, would I now be a hypocrite to crosspost for the benefit of people who aren't going to come here and won't be bothered to find a way to look at public entries here for that matter?
This is what even atheists in Canada might absent-mindedly call an "unholy mess". Nobody claimed I have upset them but my instincts say, sure, this feels like one of those times where I didn't know who I would hurt until after I did something.
I met Mark, Alice, Herman and Laura last night. I probably shouldn't have gone out for my wallet's sake but I arranged it because I have been desperate for some sort of fun. Also Annika, the only person I know so far who experienced a "true major league ballpark" and said, "Actually, I appreciate the Blue Jays experience more now."
Life isn't fixed, but I think I'm doing better now. I'm glad I couldn't call the current situation a manic sort of high, because then in the back of my mind I would know I'm set up for another depressive slump. Instead, things are slow and manageable.
One of the justifications floating around in my anxiety-addled cranium the day I dumped LJ content was on the side of how to really show LJ if you actually wanted to do something that mattered. I realized that like others, I thought most about the money side; oh, I've paid for my account, now what do I do? The fact that I've done so is one reason I still have that thing, that and a faint hope.
I realized that even if I wanted to crosspost there, keeping years of content didn't seem good because anyone who actually thinks their content is worth reading knows that words are value. Even if I never paid for that account again, never chose to set up advertising space, as long as I kept my valuable work there it would be like saying "No, I refuse to give you a milk allowance, but by all means keep my diary cows". A well written blog is a draw to other blogs and other content on the same site, content which could have more advertising space. Site traffic should get them more on their ad returns.
It's funny that we consider our words valuable, then pay others routinely to put them up instead of being paid for the privilege of hosting that valuable content. Then again, I'm sure many opinions are "out there" and no paying news/publishing corporation would touch them.
Now, that doesn't fit as a reason for why I did it because if I wanted to rob them of publicly shown content I could have mass-privatized entries. Then I would only have to worry about the occasional perverted staffer with a pork rind fetish, out to blackmail me for money to buy more pork rinds. Yet, that was exactly my problem. I've had a history of telling people too much as a careless youth and already have to come to terms with what my friends know. To worry about strangers as well, to have that fear validated with an actual event, was the last thing I needed at that time.
I don't currently see my response as ideal. Now I have to figure out, is it physically possible to port archived content back anywhere, even if it's just for the purpose of moving it here? Deleting before moving was an incredibly awful order of operations and should have had more thought put to it at least. Would anyone actually care? Having taken something resembling a stand, especially the specific form of that stand, would I now be a hypocrite to crosspost for the benefit of people who aren't going to come here and won't be bothered to find a way to look at public entries here for that matter?
This is what even atheists in Canada might absent-mindedly call an "unholy mess". Nobody claimed I have upset them but my instincts say, sure, this feels like one of those times where I didn't know who I would hurt until after I did something.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-25 02:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-25 02:53 am (UTC)It might interest you to know the "major league ballpark" was Comerica Park...
no subject
Date: 2010-05-25 02:55 am (UTC)