The Cyclical Times, Vol. 3
May. 20th, 2010 12:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mellotron_breakfastI'm near the end of possibly the most pronounced depressive slump I remember since high school.
I say "near the end" because my first and second impulse was to say "in the middle" or "mired in", both of which imply a less favorable state of affairs. If you're near the end of something, then at least it'll be over soon.
This week is teaching me that I couldn't take job #2 as a full timer because I clearly have issues with it not even qualifying as part-timer. Wednesday saw a mere three classes which felt worse than the five experienced on Tuesday, and I have another five to embrace on Thursday. I have an instructor meeting on Friday, and then more teaching on Saturday.
Next week looks much the same, but without the instructor meeting.
It's feast or famine with work, currently feast at the end of May. I can't say no to the money and I'm not getting it any other ways than Job #1 and #2. And yet, it doesn't seem like it'll get me back where I was before Pet Crisis ensued, which is frustrating.
Then there's health. I'm trying to fit a doctor's visit amidst the work, which becomes more challenging when as a depressed person I'm oversleeping; subtract some hours of possibility away. Fortunately, bike riding--which is increasingly on the road, with cars, as it should be--is not causing me any pain, and the discomfort I experience is not nearly as bad as it was when I got physio. That last part tells me that even if I need help, it shouldn't be as much or for long.
A loved one has an ulcer on his foot. I couldn't stress to him enough the importance of taking care of that, since another person with the same initials and diabetic condition had the same problem and is currently glad to not be losing his foot after all.
I probably won't stop caring about my written work as much as I do, but I suspect the buzzards of failure are circling overhead, waiting to get their way. I am clearly battling to write something I could actually be proud of for once, because absolutely nothing to UseNet suffices that way and on a good day I don't even think about my misadventures. As for academia, the problem with everything I wrote there is the fateful word count; encouraging students to puff up the length of things and then forget to nestle an actual point somewhere in the marshmallow.
There come points in life when it feels like everything I do is child's play, and when I'm wearing pants I've outgrown because I can't afford the next step up. This is one of those points. I wouldn't mind rediscovering how to find things fun, but I suspect that will have to wait for Sunday, May 30.
I say "near the end" because my first and second impulse was to say "in the middle" or "mired in", both of which imply a less favorable state of affairs. If you're near the end of something, then at least it'll be over soon.
This week is teaching me that I couldn't take job #2 as a full timer because I clearly have issues with it not even qualifying as part-timer. Wednesday saw a mere three classes which felt worse than the five experienced on Tuesday, and I have another five to embrace on Thursday. I have an instructor meeting on Friday, and then more teaching on Saturday.
Next week looks much the same, but without the instructor meeting.
It's feast or famine with work, currently feast at the end of May. I can't say no to the money and I'm not getting it any other ways than Job #1 and #2. And yet, it doesn't seem like it'll get me back where I was before Pet Crisis ensued, which is frustrating.
Then there's health. I'm trying to fit a doctor's visit amidst the work, which becomes more challenging when as a depressed person I'm oversleeping; subtract some hours of possibility away. Fortunately, bike riding--which is increasingly on the road, with cars, as it should be--is not causing me any pain, and the discomfort I experience is not nearly as bad as it was when I got physio. That last part tells me that even if I need help, it shouldn't be as much or for long.
A loved one has an ulcer on his foot. I couldn't stress to him enough the importance of taking care of that, since another person with the same initials and diabetic condition had the same problem and is currently glad to not be losing his foot after all.
I probably won't stop caring about my written work as much as I do, but I suspect the buzzards of failure are circling overhead, waiting to get their way. I am clearly battling to write something I could actually be proud of for once, because absolutely nothing to UseNet suffices that way and on a good day I don't even think about my misadventures. As for academia, the problem with everything I wrote there is the fateful word count; encouraging students to puff up the length of things and then forget to nestle an actual point somewhere in the marshmallow.
There come points in life when it feels like everything I do is child's play, and when I'm wearing pants I've outgrown because I can't afford the next step up. This is one of those points. I wouldn't mind rediscovering how to find things fun, but I suspect that will have to wait for Sunday, May 30.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 10:26 pm (UTC)You're right to be concerned about the ulcer. Those things can get really intractable once they take hold. I know of multiple people who have had serious health issues due to unhealing sores of this kind.
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Date: 2010-05-24 10:53 pm (UTC)