Fake/rejected bios for Morbid Outlook

Dylan lives in an apartment on the ninety-ninth floor of his block, and sits at home looking out the window imagining the world has stopped. He practices archaeology with a bullwhip a satchel and a brown fedora, but he swears Shia LeBoeuf isn't his kid. He's kinda immortal, sorta, thanks to a nondescript ancient cup. He relates it was kind of fun riding off into the sunset with his dad and John Rhys-Davies.

Dylan lives on a private island near Greece. He won an arm wrestling contest with Hercules. Hades struck a deal for his own personal safety that Dylan not set foot in the underworld. The minotaur helps him plow his private farm, while Dionysus is often seen frequenting the vineyard on the other side of Dylan's sprawling property. Alexander of Macedon admits with no guilt or shame that Dylan is the Greater Conqueror.

Dylan gives Egon tips on the physics of proton charging. He's the sixth Ghostbuster, but only because he was enough of a gentleman to let Louis Tully join first. Gozer scores points with others by claiming to have lived in his refrigerator, but really, there's no room inside amidst all the stacks of awesome.

His presence is so intoxicating that absinthe wants to drink him. Funk can't come up with a superlative for just how bad he is. The paparazzi beg him to take their picture. Dylan is the World's Most Interesting Man.